The last couple months I have been deliberating on the choice to
live in the middle of nowhere.
Well, not nowhere, really. That's a bit of an exaggeration. Compared to more desolate areas of the Canadian north there are certainly a bounty of people around these parts. I could live in the Yukon. That's nowhere (apologies to all you fine folk up there, but I have no idea how you do it). It's just that much of the time this place feels a little bit like nowhere when compared with my previous lives in San Francisco and Vancouver.
I question, fairly often lately, if I am in the 'right place', whatever that means.
I wonder if perhaps it would be best to be surrounded by hurried, stressed-but-incredibly-passionate people who have designed their lives in such a manner that there is no time for stopping and GROWTH is everything. I wonder if that's the purpose of my life, as it used to be?
I question, fairly often lately, how much I miss that kind of growth? That addictive and delightfully chaotic experience of being tossed about amidst people and perspectives and possibilities: that was fun, wasn't it? I bought into it. I loved the rush and the scheduling and the hurry, didn't I? Didn't I?
And I question, fairly often, (and this one is funny to admit) if I am being lazy by living up here. If I'm 'taking the easy road' by not working 70 hours a week and demanding more of my bank account instead of my garden, and if by choosing a quieter life with sweetness and weekends canoeing and disc golf and delicious food with my family that I am somehow slacking off.
Ultimately the answer is hell no, I am not.
It's just that by conventional social standards what I have come to value more than money and status don't really count in most people's books. And that makes me question my own set of values and placement in the world, which is ultimately a good thing.
I still work a ton, and have developed more in the last couple years than the five years prior to that in city life. I just happen to not have the same level of stress that I did back then, and tend to prioritize my experiences to put time in nature and spent with friends above anything else. The things that don't make me money nor 'further' my life, but which reengage me with the center of my being, and with the wildness that is at the heart of my humanity.
I have come to realize that I have a balance in life here that is somewhat elusive and magical. A choice of lifestyle that actually allows me to experience the best of everything that being a human at this time in history allows--cultural exposure, creative expansion and exploration, limitless access to information and perspectives (thank you internet)--while still maintaining my 'indigenous' connection to this earth and all her beauty, love and time for family, and the peace of mind that comes from long, extended moments doing nothing.
Where do you feel like you could experience more balance in your life right now? Are you driven entirely by the mad rush of the cultural zeitgeist that stirs and shakes you constantly, leaving no time for absolute quiet and connection to nature? Or are you, perhaps, disengaged from the larger perspective of things and the bigger world vision, from contemporary culture and the passions that will define this age, or from your life's vision and big-time purpose? How can you come to that sweet spot, where you are balancing both wild and domesticated qualities within you in a way that allows your true self to emerge?