a path & a process

I have been thinking a lot about my path lately, where it is exactly that I want to go in the next while.

 

I know clearly what it is I am here on this planet to do (this is a wonderful feeling), and have a general idea of how it is I will go about doing that, but it is just the when part of the equation that has got me stalled a bit. I think I want everything to happen right now (or yesterday, if possible) and have such a hard time trying to restrain my expectations when thinking on the timeline of my process.

 

It has been very difficult for me to approach things—experiences, relationships, education, etc—with any modicum of patience, historically. I am what you would be inclined to call a ‘naturally impatient individual’, if there is such a thing. The effect of this on my path and the choices I’ve made has been somewhat disastrous in some moments (despite the fact that I know I had to go through all those crazy times for a reason), but I am determined and focused on creating movement now out of a space of mindful awareness, not over-caffeinated neuroticism and fear.

 

Through this intention I have become acutely aware of a bunch of stuff. First, that in haste it is impossible to truly fully experience everything that is happening to me, good or bad, and then also of how often I am doing something to get somewhere; how regularly I am looking at the outcome rather than the experience and intention. This forward thinking is a natural function of the more masculine, linear part of my brain, but if this perspective is utilized without balance with the feminine and cyclical aspects it tends to remove me from my present experience and from seeing myself in system. Neither perspective is better nor worse, per say, but they must be used together to ensure that I am both moving towards something—experiencing the expansion and experience available to us all—while simultaneously fully feeling and engaging with every moment along the way.