This has been a really neat week for healing experiences so far. Yes, my personal revelations and spiritual growth still seems to be continuing in leaps and bounds (oh, the madness of it in the constant change!), but there's something more delicate occurring at a subtle level in my practice as a healer, encouraging a kind of non-mental heart-opening that is so very beautiful.
Just a little background about me within this process and practice, and why this feels so monumental:
I have, historically, had a really hard time coming into contact directly with my guides and teachers. While my previous (physical incarnation of a ) teacher would inform me of those who were watching over me and assisting my process, I really couldn't communicate directly with them because my logical, so-called scientific mind would get in the way and start resisting it all, greatly offended that I would even begin to assume I could contact entities in other dimensional experiences. Poppycock.
Granted, I have always been able to feel and interact with Coda, my patron coyote who has been with me (knowingly) for years, and likely has been following my process since I was born. She is easy for me to communicate to and with, as are the bear, hawk and wolf who sometimes pop by when I need a little help.
But teachers have been a challenge. It's just so hard to wrap your 3-d brain around the possibility that there really are other realities occurring simultaneously with this one, and that because they are of a higher level of dimensional expansion they are able to interact and view us but we can't really see them. Even as my darling science has proven that the existence of multiple realities is a sure shot, I still find it hard.
Or, I have found it hard. Things have shifted a lot in the last six months.
Because about six months ago I decided to try a different type of shamanic journeying, one where you take your body with you and climb up instead of going down (down is where the guardians and assistants of the animal kingdom and elements are, and much easier for me to access), and intend to go up there with the expectation or hope of specific teaching from other sorts of entities. I've tried this a bit before, but never with such full intention on contacting assistance, and it never really turned out very well. This time I had a fairly blurry and vague experience overall--still much practice to do-- except for a very distinct interaction with this very gentle blond lady wrapped in some kind of blue scarf or robe. I couldn't see her face, but the kindness with which she spoke to me was insane, responding to my question of "why I am on this earth, really?" with a very clear answer of "to be of service in healing", which made me feel so good.
I didn't meet her again for about three or four months, and then one morning more recently I tried the same technique, requesting of anyone who would care to listen up there that I just needed help. Nothing fancy, just a full out cry for assistance as I was so sad and lost feeling. This same person showed up, so incredibly kind again, and reached into the back part of my heart and pulled something out of there, telling me, gently, that it was time I stopped resisting life and love so intensely. I can't begin to describe the freedom that I felt after she did that--this incredible openness and gratitude for everything that was happening--and it stuck around for quite a while (until I started back into old habits, which happens in this stuff of course). But the experience was huge for me, and exciting for what I saw as a possibility in healing.
And then a couple days ago I was thinking on this person and what she meant to me, and simultaneously listening to a radio show about shamanic practice. The person on the show was talking about how the greatest teachers that will often present themselves to us will actually be ourselves in the future, as they are the compassionate, understanding and hopeful beings that can actually assist us in finding some kind of ease in the present moment. Our future selves have incredible levels of interest in our process (because, of course, they would like to exist..), and yet also possess the 'seeing' and understanding necessary to view us, at this moment and doing all the myriad of silly things we are doing, as still perfect. In the same way that we would be able to look back at our three year old self and not judge those times that we did something silly (for surely we just didn't know better), our future self offers the same benevolent kindness and acceptance.
It totally hit me, right then, as I realized that this blond lady in the blue scarf is actually me in the future. Gah! Seriously?? But it made so much sense, and makes even more sense now that I've met with her again. She is me, except the really calm and peaceful and wise me that I would love to be right now, absolutely assured of who she is in the world and what it is she is here to give. I have been talking to and getting lessons from me in the future. Ya, I know. WTF. But it is amazing.
The feeling I get from interacting with her is almost like that which you have around a grandparent or parent, but (no offense to my mom) better. I could do no wrong with this person. She didn't want me to be anything but what I was, and sought only to inform me of the possibilities of my existence in a calm, patient and completely loving manner. I really have not felt this good since I had a Mexican Shaman's nagual (animal form) visit me in a dream many years ago, appearing as a jaguar who enveloped me in this kind of energetic embrace that informed me, somehow, that there was nothing else I needed to be or to do or to experience, and that everything was okay right at that moment.
Perhaps this story doesn't necessarily pertain directly to the quote at the top, at first take, and yet for me it does, for what she (me...whoa this is trippy) has given to me is this sense that I do deserve great love and beautiful experiences, and that it is all going to work out and I can stop freaking out about everything. She has offered me a completely open-hearted and judgement free assessment, the ultimate form of unquestionable love, free of personal restrictions or conditions, and the unbelievable feeling of freedom that I have in this moment because of it makes me believe that I do really deserve everything. Not in some form of narcissistic entitlement, but in being given such unconditional regard from another being (that being being...me) so that I can release the restrictions I have on my own life experience.
I realize that this stuff might seem so completely out there to a large majority of the world, but that makes me sad more than anything because of the incredible healing potential that exists within it. It is amazing, and life changing, and awe-inspiring in every way, and given that it is the system of medicine that operated when human beings still remembered how to be a responsible part of this great universal system, I trust its wisdom (and all those I contact within the guidelines and experience of this practice).
And anything that does that and may result in more positive contributions being made to the whole of the world has just got to be good. This is my work, and I am immensely blessed to be able to do it.